As humans, being rejected is one of our biggest fears. This fear sometimes keeps us from doing things that we want to do, or that we need to do in order to improve our lives.
One of the inherent needs we are born with, or that maybe we acquire during out childhood, is the need to be liked and accepted.
We are taught to be social, to go play with other kids and be part of a group. Then we are sent to school where we have to make friends with all these other kids with different personalities, and here is where groups start to form. We learn what we like and what we don’t like, what we will accept, what we are willing to compromise on, and what we won’t accept under any circumstances.
Some of us experienced rejection early on in our lives, and it hurt. It was unexpected, “they don’t like me??!! why??!!”
No adult ever explained to me what to do or how to feel better.
Then it happened again, and again. It hurt more, and more.
This is how some fears develop.
Maybe you or someone you know also grew up not knowing how to deal with rejection better, and now, as adults, we react like we did when we were younger.
But think about it this way…
Think about the person that knows you the best. They love you. They know you inside out, warts and all, and still, they love you.
If the person who knows you the best loves you to bits, and unconditionally, then who cares what someone who barely knows you thinks?
See, rejection is not really personal, it is not about you, it’s about the other person; about what they need or want at that particular time, but about many other things too. They could be sad, angry, tired, having a bad day, they could have been rejected themselves… there could be so many reasons as to why someone would reject us at any given time, that assuming that it is just about us is rather a self-centered thing to do.
And hypocritical too, since we all reject other people all the time. We meet people and we judge them. Within seconds we form an opinion of them. We don’t automatically like everyone we meet.
- Sometimes we speak to a total stranger for sixty seconds and we think we love them!
- Sometimes we speak to a total stranger for the same amount of time and we decide we hate them.
A lot of the time our decisions are based upon how we are feeling at that particular time, as opposed to the other person.
We may meet them on a different date, under different circumstances, and change our opinion of them.
This may not change the fact that we like to be liked and accepted. But what it can help you do is think of things from a different perspective.
Certain people have to deal with rejection more often than others.
A client of mine who models for a living often talks about how rejection is just part of the job. It doesn’t mean she is not good enough as a model or as a person, it just means that she is not what the agency is looking for at that particular time.
The same can be said when it comes to dating. How are you going to meet the right person unless you meet as many people as possible? Sometimes you are going to get rejected, and other times you are going to be the one who rejects. One of the people you meet is going to be right for you at the right time.
Whilst some of us are more sensitive than others, I believe that we can desensitize ourselves to rejection by experiencing it more often. I am not saying “go get rejected a lot!”. But one of the keys to getting over this fear is to feel really really good. We deal better with things and get over things quicker when we are feeling good about ourselves.
So, whether you are dreading an approaching job interview, or a date, you have to be in the right state of mind to begin with.
You do what you have to do so that you feel really good about yourself. Now, imagine two case scenarios:
1. They love you and can’t wait to see you again! Yesss!
2. They don’t call you back, or they ignore you… – Tell yourself “It’s their loss!” in your most confident inner voice. Say it with attitude and notice how much better you feel now. Approach your next interview, or date, like you’ve never been hurt before!